To experience a deep connection with the Divine, with another person, or with one’s self is communion. Communion is intimacy and connection. In the Christian church, communion is a sacrament “that represents holy union with God and with the people in one’s life,” according to Caroline Myss in her book, The Anatomy of the Spirit. I would add that communion is also holy union with one’s Inner Being, or Higher Self. Beyond the symbolism of the sacrament, I see communion as a way of living. It is the ongoing expression of intimacy and connection with ourselves, others, and the Divine. Communion is a blessing not easily attainable.

The journey to communion begins where we are right now. Most people in the world live in a state of domination. We are either dominating others or being dominated by them. This causes us to live in fear. Those who dominate are corrupted by the fear of losing their control. Fear is their master. Those who are dominated fear punishment or loss. They give up their power in exchange for safety and security. Fear is also their master.

The current world situation is a study in the failure of domination to produce peace and prosperity. The United States government is attempting to dominate other nations in the name of its own safety and security. Kim Jong-il dominates the people of North Korea. Israel and Palestine want domination over each other. Terrorists around the world seek to have their point of view be the dominant one. Many may disagree, saying they only want peace, but what they really want is to be right. Self righteousness is the rationale for the use of force in today’s world. The problem, of course, is no one wants to be dominated. Whoever dominates will expend enormous amounts of energy in a futile attempt to maintain control.

Individuals play out this way of thinking in business and personal life. We manipulate each other through intimidation, guilt, and other games that we play. The controlling boss gets his way. The accommodating employee keeps safe in his position. Meanwhile productivity, quality, and people suffer the effects of constant fear. A constant focus on what we cannot control, the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors of others, makes us feel powerless and helpless.

In personal relationships people often allow themselves to be dominated by another. In our desperation to be loved and accepted we invite domination. We give up who we are and what we want in order to be with someone. Moments of pleasure are paid for with hours of agony over the loss of self. We fool ourselves into thinking that the “special” person will change. Some day he will love me the way I want to be loved. Some day she will be available to me. We live in fear and dread of being left. Meanwhile our magnificence as spiritual expressions and our visions of greatness for ourselves whither like unpicked fruit on the vine. Driven by emotion, you stay with her because, “You love her.” You tell yourself that you are thinking with your heart and not your head, but that’s the lie. Your heart is dying. It knows who it is and you are denying it for momentary comfort. The heart never asks you to live in fear.

One day we awaken to the realization that all we can control is ourselves. At that moment, we enter a state called dominion. We begin to establish dominion over ourselves. The establishment of dominion over our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors can feel painful, but always produces positive results. We begin it by withdrawing our power from outside forces such as people, situations, or money. We recognize that these things only have power over us by our permission. We take responsibility for our own lives, refusing to blame others. We recognize, as Terry Cole Whittaker said many years ago in her book, that “What You Think of Me Is None of My Business.” We are now taking charge of our own lives.

Once you have a taste of dominion, you can never go back. Unhealthy and unsatisfying relationships are unacceptable. Value is sought and found within one’s self, not in the approval or affections of another. Unsatisfying work situations reveal a truth we had hidden from ourselves: that we have a choice. If we are imprisoned in an unsatisfying career, then we are our own jailer.

Dominion over self is a powerful way of seeing life. We can shift our focus from all of the people and things we don’t want in our lives to the blessings that we do want. We can create a vision for ourselves and begin to live it. We can pray for help in seeing life differently. We can ask for grace, the unconditional love of Spirit, to flow through us and raise us up to new heights. As we focus on that which we can control – our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors – we begin to feel more powerful.

Once we establish dominion and begin to feel its freedom, we begin to experience wholeness. As a whole person I am no longer attracted to people who want to control me or to people who want to be controlled. My heart is happier now that I am being myself. I am attracted to those who appreciate me. I no longer feel compelled to change for others or to fix others. In my independence I begin to discover my interdependence with others. I am an individual, and I have boundaries. I need others with whom I can share who I am. Sharing myself with others, and allowing them to share with me, is communion.

There is no price for communion. No one has to give up anything. You enjoy someone’s acceptance, but you are not desperate for it. Our communion with other people is necessary for our own growth. Both those who irritate us and those who please us are important to us. We love them all. In a state of communion we are deeply connected to the Spirit within. We are deeply connected and appreciative of our own selves. We seek to influence others from our appreciation of them, rather than from a place of criticism. We see others as the incredible spiritual beings that they are. Each person who crosses our path has a divine purpose in our life. Whether or not we can see the purpose, whether or not we are physically near them, we can honor and give thanks for all of them. Relationships feel good. In communion we finally realize the blessing we had inappropriately sought through domination.

In a state of communion we recognize that there is nothing to get. In a group, whether it be a family, workplace or a community, we are free to seek the highest good for all concerned. In communion we know we are surrounded by love and light, and we gratefully allow our good to come through us. Well-being is ours. Knowing that our needs are always met, we can focus on being helpful to others. There is an undercurrent of joy experienced in our being. We see joy and connection in each person, in nature, and in each situation in our respective lives.

Yet, as I wrote earlier, communion does not come easily. Each of us must first establish dominion within our own minds. Dominion comes from turning within for the satisfaction of our needs. Hurtful emotions are the messengers of struggle and domination. Whenever we are out of alignment with who we are, whenever we are allowing people or situations to drive us, we feel hurtful emotions. Allow these hurtful emotions to serve you. Feel them and release them without judgment.

As long as you are blaming and feeling hurt by others you are in a state of domination. Dominion is 100 % responsibility. You are responsible for everything that is in your life. Everything in your life is the effect of your mind. When you own a piece of your life, you can let it go. When you disown it, it stays with you. When you own it all you become powerful. It is at this point that you can truly appreciate yourself, others, and all of life.

Dominion requires the intention to believe in one’s self, and in the Inner Voice of Spirit. It is the decision to let go of being a victim or a judge, and to follow one’s own heart. This is a decision that needs no defense if challenged by people in your life, and it will be challenged. You are mostly there when you are able to listen compassionately, yet feel a deep joy in knowing you have chosen the right path.

The people who challenge you are not enemies, but reflections of your own level of doubt. When you can listen from a position of strength, you will have cleared your own doubts. You will have dominion over your mind.

In a state of dominion you can let go of the opinions and judgments of others. In a state of communion you see the fearful opinions of others as a call for love. You answer the call by acknowledging your connection with them as fellow spiritual beings in this human experience. Although the behaviors of others may cause irritation, you do not separate yourself from them. You may disagree or you may even need to reprimand someone, yet you are responsive to their deepest needs. You do not lose sight of your shared spiritual essence.

If you are dominating or being dominated, you are owned by another. Refuse to be owned by anything external. Trust that your Higher Self will lead you. As you jump free, falling soon becomes flying. Fear becomes joy. As you soar joyously, exploring new horizons, others will want to join you in communion. A bird may be safer in its nest, but that’s not what birds are for. As Rumi said: “Step off proudly into sunlight, not looking back. Take sips of this pure wine being poured. Don’t mind that you’ve been given a dirty cup.” Each moment when you are able to hold dominion over your mind, you inspire others with your courage. Each moment you are able to spend in a state of communion is a blessing to all creation.