The Ego is a cloud-like illusion created by our thoughts, emotions, fears and beliefs. It is the source of all our personal and collective problems, pain, and suffering. Our desires and judgments about ourselves and others and identification with the past and future sustain the illusion created by the ego. This illusion separates us from the truth of our inner being, from one another, and from everything that exists in the universe. We stay in the illusion of the ego when we believe we are our body, thoughts, emotions, and beliefs. In short, the ego is who we think we are, and who we truly are is pure consciousness.

The Purpose of the Ego

We struggle with our ego because we don’t understand its purpose. Just as we need darkness to see light, noise to recognize silence, fullness to understand emptiness, ugliness to appreciate beauty, we need the ego-mind to become conscious of our being. Like the blackboard that illuminates the white letters, our ego provides the background upon which the light of consciousness becomes visible.

Without seeing what is impermanent (the ego-mind), we cannot recognize what is permanent (consciousness). Without the misery and suffering created by the ego-mind, it is impossible to surrender the mind and recognize the bliss of no-mind. The more conscious we become of the fleeting, illusory nature of our ego-mind, the more conscious we become of the everlasting presence of our being.

The Seven Stages of the Ego’s Development

Stage I: Formation

At its most infantile stage, our ego-mind begins to form the moment we discover that we exist. In this stage we become aware that we have a body, voice, likes, and dislikes. Absorbing ideas, emotions, language and beliefs from our environment, we develop attitudes and behavior patterns in order to survive. Entirely focused on our own needs, our formative ego-mind perceives itself as separate from everyone and everything that surrounds it. It feels that the world revolves around meeting its every need and desire, and when its needs and wants are not met it feels rejected and experiences its first pain of separation.

In this stage we either form a belief that the world is at our disposal and we can do as we please, or that it is harsh and unsympathetic. So we develop a behavior pattern of either engaging with the world or retreating into ourselves. Our ego-mind in this stage of formation thus sees itself either as a powerful conqueror or a helpless victim.

When our developing ego-mind is nourished and supported by our parents and the environment, it forms a belief that the world is a safe and supportive place. As a result, we either openly share ourselves with the world, or at the other extreme expect the world to always take care of our needs.

Stage II: Strengthening

After feeling dependent on others for its survival in the formation stage, the ego-mind moves into its adolescence and strives for independence. At this stage, we either rebel against our early conditionings and try to break through the inhibitions that we felt during our ego’s formation stage, or we retreat in fear by conforming to and defending what we were programmed to believe. Through rebellion and standing up to others and the world we begin to strengthen our will power and develop courage. Most of the time, we do a mixture of both in order to experience both the positive and negative polarities of the mind. In this way we come into true strength, which arises out of self-awareness and the realization of our innate freedom and independence.

As our ego-mind begins to strengthen, like a growing teenager, we strive to be more self-sufficient and independent of others and the world, believing we are now capable of doing whatever we want. Thinking that what we know is the truth, our ego-mind is ready to defend its ideas with words or actions. To prove our self-worth we begin to compete with others, experiencing both victory and failure. When we experience victory we feel strong and superior, and when we experience defeat we feel weak and inferior and begin to struggle with our initial self-centered attitude that the world should revolve around our needs and give us what we want.

In this stage, our ego-mind believes that it can receive recognition by achieving power, status, and material success. When we don’t achieve the sought after power and recognition, or receive it prior to ego’s maturity, we become aware that something inside us is unfulfilled. Here, our ego-mind moves into the suffering stage to continue its development.

Stage III: Suffering

Suffering allows us to change how we perceive reality and to recognize how our ego struggles to keep its will and self-identity alive. Realizing that we don’t know everything, that we cannot force our will onto others, and cannot always do as we please creates suffering for the ego. Seeing that others are stronger, more powerful, and more intelligent, our ego-mind begins to struggle with itself. This inevitably causes us to also suffer emotionally and physically.

Our suffering intensifies when we struggle to hold on to our beliefs, expectations, the people we know, and the things we own. With rejection, failure and defeat, in order to hold on to our identity we manipulate, lie, and compromise – and suffer even more. We protect our feelings of hurt by judging and blaming others, seeking revenge, or by blaming ourselves and feeling guilty and ashamed for our choices and actions.

Suffering ensures the ego-mind will eventually accept others’ needs, and understand that it is not better or worse than anyone else. As a result of experiencing pain and suffering our selfishness begins to diminish. This move towards humility moves our developing ego-mind into the contemplation stage.

Stage IV: Contemplation

In this stage, the most fundamental questions like, Who am I? and Why am I here? begin to arise and the ego-mind tries to understand the causes of its suffering. Through dawning new awareness we begin to contemplate the purpose of life and the reason for living. We examine the consequences of our past actions and try to understand how our beliefs and desires have led to suffering. We recognize that our ego-mind has been the cause of our own suffering and our actions have been selfish and self-centered and therefore have not led to happiness and inner fulfillment. We begin to understand that we need to take responsibility for our own life and actions.

Our ego-mind matures into adulthood when we realize that we are responsible for our own welfare and happiness and move from selfish taking to compassionate and unconditional giving. When we feel exhausted by giving, we recognize that no matter how much we give, we cannot satisfy others; we still feel alone and unfulfilled. We now understand that we cannot find peace and happiness outside of ourselves and begin to look inside. At this point, our ego-mind moves into its introspective stage to begin its conscious search for Truth.

Stage V: Introspection

The humility and suffering of the contemplative stage gives rise to the introspective stage, where instead of focusing outwardly to find answers we move our attention inward. We now realize that to be free of suffering we need to examine the causes of our feelings, thoughts, and hidden unconscious motives, and take a leap from focusing on fulfilling our desires to focusing on awareness.

This is the stage where consciousness begins to gain mastery over unconsciousness. Through increased consciousness we begin to see and understand how our ego-mind creates our own pain and suffering and we begin to take responsibility for our own creation.

The introspective stage lays the foundation for us to learn to listen to and trust the language of intuition, and to direct our actions according to intuition instead of the conditionings of the mind. Listening to and trusting intuition, further increases and strengthens our consciousness, and the ego starts to take a back seat. Now, only the knowing that comes from intuitive knowing becomes important, and the ego learns to surrender to intuition.

Stage VI: Healing

We usually think that a fully developed ego is selfish, but selfishness is an attribute of an undeveloped ego and is only the beginning of its formation stage. To heal the ego-mind into consciousness, we first need to heal our wounded negative ego into a healthy positive one. Unless our ego-mind is completely positive, it is impossible to transcend it.

Understanding that only a healthy ego can support the growth of consciousness can ultimately lead us to let go of the pain and suffering created by our wounded ego-mind. Healing the wounded ego-mind is part of our spiritual work. Although painful, healing the wounded ego is a necessary part of growth in consciousness.

To heal into consciousness, don’t judge or suppress your ego. Welcome it, accept it, and observe it as a detached witness. Suppressing your pain and judging your thoughts and emotions will only delay your healing into consciousness.

Stage VII: Transcendence

Transcendence of the ego-mind (both wounded and healthy) concludes our healing into consciousness. With transcendence, a full consciousness of the being and its oneness with the universe arises. The experience of transcendence is known as liberation from the mind and the wheel of life and death.

With complete disidentification from the body, thoughts, emotions, and personal will, the witnessing awareness transforms the ego-mind and only a pure consciousness remains. With consciousness, the anxiety that was created by the mind ceases to exist. Within consciousness lies a knowing that fear and death are illusions and that nothing in the universe ever dies. Consciousness now bursts open the balloon of the ego, and the purpose of the protective shell of the ego is fulfilled. With transcendence of the mind, recognition of the being and its eternal presence within the universe come to the forefront and the door to the universal Mind and the unknown mystery of existence opens.

Questions and Answers about the Ego’s Development

Will the fear of exposing my ego-mind stop its development?

Most definitely! Any fear or suppression of the ego-mind will delay its development and the evolution of consciousness. We are afraid to expose what we think and feel because we are conditioned to believe that we are not okay as we are. As a result, we go on hiding our thoughts and emotions. Experience has taught us that if we expose our true thoughts and feelings, we will be criticized and rejected. And because we are afraid of rejection, we learn to suppress and compromise our truth.

If you want to heal your ego-mind into consciousness, you need to cultivate courage and trust. This would require you to honestly look at your fears and expose them to yourself and others. Looking at your fears with courage will help you see their illusory nature. Remind yourself that your fears have nothing to do with your being and are only a part of your ego. With right remembrance, and the practice of trust and courage, you will soon realize that your fears, thoughts, and emotions are only illusions created by the mind. This will help you develop a healthier outlook on life and eventually transform your ego-mind into consciousness.

Can I know myself without letting go of my desires?

All spiritual teachings say that you need to be free of your desires and attachments. When you hear this, you try to suppress your desires. After hearing me say that your ego needs to develop to its peak before it can drop, your mind is confused. The idea of developing the ego-mind goes against your beliefs about spirituality.

Don’t try to be “spiritual” by suppressing parts of yourself that need to be lived. Don’t condemn yourself for having desires, and don’t condemn your ego-mind. You heal into consciousness when you find the courage to fully embrace and face your ego and its desires. Expose your ego-mind and let it come out into the light from its hiding place in the darkness of your unconscious. Once you give it permission to be exposed, you will be surprised how quickly it can be transformed into the light of consciousness. With consciousness, you will be able to effortlessly discriminate between your mind’s desires, which can be easily surrendered, and your existential needs that demand to be lived. By living and experiencing your existential needs, and facing the consequences of your actions, you will start to know yourself and will be able to detach your consciousness from the desires that arise out of your ego-mind.

How do I know if my healing from a trauma is complete?

If the memory of a traumatic experience triggers an emotional reaction and affects your psychological and physical well-being, it means you are still identified with the experience and have not healed from it yet. Your reaction indicates that there is pain, anger, sadness, or blame associated with the experience that you are still suppressing in your body. You need to go deeper into your body and your feelings and release what is suppressed. You will postpone your healing from the trauma if you continue to hold on to your pain, thoughts, and emotions associated with the experience. Your emotional pain could eventually manifest as physical pain or illness. Once you let go of your attachment to the pain, you hasten your healing from a trauma and the quality of your life improves.