What really irritates you – makes your stomach clench or the hairs on the back of your neck stand up?  Could it be the sound of nails on blackboard, or perhaps the annoying snorting laugh of someone you work with?  Today we will explore the reactions of our self to the daily irritants that surround us as we fulfill our requirements of the day.

We all have our own special trademark habits that we unconsciously perform.  Are you aware of yours?  I know one person who cannot remain silent for more that two minutes.  She constantly hums, whistles, sings, or talks to herself.  She snuffles and snorts and grinds her teeth as she goes about her work.  It is almost impossible to ignore her because she insists on being heard by turning up the volume of her sound effects.  At first it was kind of cute and amusing, but as time goes on, I am searching for a polite and diplomatic way of informing this person that this habit of hers is annoying.  But then I stop myself, because it is not my business to change her to make me more comfortable.  The interesting lesson here is that any form of censure or correction on my part would be judgemental and interfering in her freedom of expression.

We are so quick to criticize each other. We talk and gossip endlessly about the actions of our friends, family, neighbours and in general, everybody. Gossip is not necessarily a bad thing to do because it is natural that we share information about each other. I enjoy a nice, chatty, gossip session as much as the next person, however, there must be a line drawn between caring conversation and cruel criticism.  Gentleness, not judgement, means that we strive for compassion and understanding of another’s actions.

Let us remember that each human being is unique. We all have our likes and dislikes, abilities and weaknesses, and most difficult of all, our special life lessons. I like the old adage of walking a mile in another’s shoes before making any judgements.

An attractive method of moving beyond harsh opinion of another is to figure out why a certain action or situation rubs you the wrong way.  I must clarify that I am not speaking of world events or tragedies; I am referring to every day life in our own homes, work places, schools and neighbourhoods.

“We don’t see things as they are; we see them as we are.”  Anais Nin (1903-1977)

I consider the way we react to something or someone that is irritating to be one of life’s “stand up and take notice” challenges. Our response demonstrates the inner truth of who we really are.  Many people feel they must control their environment to suit themselves, and will do so with little regard for others.  It is important to them to be always right and they will always have good reasons for their demands.  That these actions might take pleasure away from others is not important to them, only that reality conforms to their wishes remains the prime directive.  These people expend a lot of energy doing this and often to no avail.  Do you see yourself in this picture?

Let’s lighten up on each other. Allow each other our little habits and foibles as long as they cause no harm.  The fact of the matter does exist though, that there are intolerable people in this world. I have discovered that the way to deal with them is – walk away, because confrontation is unproductive in most cases. I believe the way to peaceful coexistence lies in smoothing out our reactions and understanding that it is not necessary to take everything personally. The controlling person could step back and allow life to flow smoothly around them instead of struggling to make everything fit into their rules and expectations. That person I know who is constantly creating noise is not yet comfortable with inner or outer silence, and also finds joy and comfort in self expression in this manner.  Who am I to judge?