Have you ever asked yourself what forgiveness means to you?

When the Bible was translated from its original language of Aramaic, many words were lost in their translation. Forgiveness was just one of those words. In those days when a word with an exact translation was not available, the word that came closest to its meaning was the one picked to substitute it.

The word forgives, in its original translation, was not intended to turn you into a “holier than thou saint”. Nor, was it intended to be used as a “power tool” for one’s ego to let another’s ego off the hook for something they did. To “forgive”, simply meant: to let go, let loose, or untie, whatever energy or signals I am sending forth, that create these results in my life.

Today, psychologists and doctors acknowledge what Eastern medicine has been saying for thousands of years. Stanford University Professor, Carl Thornton says, “mounting evidence shows that there are emotional and physical health payoffs from the act of forgiveness”.

Everett Worthington, Psychology Professor and one of the country’s leading experts in forgiveness research, claims that forgiveness thoughts resulted in lower psychological stress responses. Whereas people who clung to ill feelings created just that, thus resulting in elevated blood pressure and heart rates, and other stress-related “dis-eases”. The one thing that all of the forgiveness researchers seem to agree on is, “that prolonged feelings of not forgiving could be hazardous to one’s health”.

If we choose to delve into some of the Eastern philosophies even further, then we see that the human body, like any existence in our Universe, is all about balance. Anything that happens in our lives is a direct reflection of our inner thoughts and actions (cause and effect). Everything is based on its intricate balance. When the dominos fall congruently, that is the “symptom” of dominos that were aligned perfectly. On the other hand, if there is a glitch, and they do not fall precisely as intended, then we need to find the “kink” in the system in order to get back into the flow – on track.

They continue to claim that everything is interconnected and that the minute we attach an intense, significant feeling to a situation or an assessment, we literally claim this emotion as ours and proceed to bring it home and house it. Just like the groceries, we bring home, these emotions are housed in their specifically assigned spaces, our organs. i.e. anger lives in the liver, grief in the kidneys, etc.

Each one of these organs, not unlike a pressure-cooker, has an orifice in order to release excess pressure. i.e. when too much alcohol goes to the liver- the eyes get red thus releasing the “overflow”. Anger is the emotion that correlates with the liver and when we get overly angry, the saying we hear most often is, “I’m seeing red”. Ultimately, the way we respond to life is what eventually will “kill” us – unless we choose to “forgive” or let go of the disintegrative energies that no longer serve us.

Why then is the act of forgiveness so difficult for most of us? Perhaps we fear that by releasing the pain we will forget? Perhaps our identity in life is as a victim? Perhaps our expectations were too high? However, no matter what the reasoning behind it is, life is about choices and we choose how to feel. Act or react. This does not mean that you should not hold a person responsible for their actions. It merely means that the way we approach the perpetration is the result that will ultimately be boomeranged back to us.

• First and foremost: decide if it is more important to be right or to be at peace.
• Shift rigid personal “rules” of shoulds, would, and could for other people and accept that no person can control another’s behavior.
• Put your judgments into perspective and try to understand them from the other person’s point of view or at least from “outside the box” as a neutral.
• No pointing fingers or blaming, both of which fuel the fire of negativity.
• Figure out from a non-righteous place, what accountability needs to take place and communicate your view from a centered space.
• Move on without resentment.

There is a wonderful story about two Sikhs. They were trained in a belief system where a man is not to come in physical touch with women. One day the two were walking to the next village when they noticed a woman crying while sitting at an overflowing river- bank. When the two holy men approached, the elder of the two, asked her what was wrong. The woman said that she had to run errands and since it took so long she could not get back before the rain and now she could not cross the water to get home to her sick mother. The compassionate elder told the woman to climb on his back and carried her to the other side. When they reached the other side he set her down and bade her goodbye. The young Seik was running behind his Master trying to keep up while grunting and mumbling under his breath. Finally, crossly, he shouted at the Elder. “You took an oath to never touch a woman. How is it that you took this woman on your back and haven’t even a drop of remorse for your sin?” The Elder stopped in his tracks and replied softly, “I was of service to the woman. Perhaps I even helped save a life. I did what was needed of me and I let her go. How long have you been carrying her with you?”

“Living in the past, robs you of the present…”

Through the many “Forgiveness” classes that I taught and still teach for the Learning Annex, etc., I have found, that the people that have the most difficulty in forgiving were the ones that did not feel “heard” or acknowledged by the perpetrator.

But, life is about choices and we do not have to be undermined by that person’s integrity and moral claim against us. The questions we each need to ask ourselves are, “How much longer am I going to hang on to this? Is this evil really worth killing myself for?” and lastly, “Do I want to be right, or do I want to inner-peace and good health?”