Wholeness and purity, like all virtues, are not easy states to attain in this world! Humanity, it can be said, is neither whole nor pure nor consistently principled. Rather, everyday we see the display of opposite characteristics – divisiveness, insincerity, dishonesty – everywhere around us. We witness the lack of these in those who hold trusted positions, in those whom we love, and alas, also within ourselves.

What a challenge it is to live in such a world! And what an even greater challenge to witness this within ourselves. We can so easily imagine and deeply hunger for integrity in our lives, and yet we are vulnerable to what debases it. The lack of integrity that permeates the fabric of our societies breeds confusion, distrust, conflict and disharmony. It disrupts flow and impedes efficiency.

Imagine, for example, using a computer software manual that lacks integrity – the program was inaccurately written and presents confusing information. It doesn’t serve its purpose of effectively educating about how to use the software and thus is essentially useless. Faced with this frustration, you may seek technical support, return the program for a money-back guarantee, throw it away altogether, or perpetually cope with it as it is, ever wasting precious time and energy.

We encounter similar frustrations with people. Yet, although we can’t necessarily seek tech support nor return products for a money-back guarantee, we can “throw them away” or choose to cope with them. And, of course, others occasionally feel the same way about us. When relationships – whether personal or professional – are fraught with a lack of integrity, everyone involved will suffer in some way. Entire companies have been ruined because of a single person’s misdeeds.

Examples of ways to be disintegrous are: procrastination, deception or manipulation, blame, overuse of substances, not fulfilling agreements to yourself or others, lacking discernment, justifying your lapses, being co-dependent, negative self-talk, negating your needs, not adhering to your ethics, principles and standards and withholding communication, to name just a few.

Either we are whole, complete and pure, or we are not. Whole is 100%, nothing less. Until we are whole and pure, the consequences to all those with whom we are in relationship is disagreeable at best, even risky or dangerous. To the degree that we are not whole nor pure, we pose some kind of threat to others and the world around us. And we must live with the dishonor of this reality, or distort our perception to make it seem that someone else is the cause. Unless changed, this will shadow us to our last breath, and beyond…

We-who-care want to see the world be a better place… one in which we and our loved ones are safe, secure and fulfilled. The best way to contribute to this vision is to be integrous. With that quality of consciousness, we are no longer contributing to the problems around us, but rather allaying them. From this state of being, anything we desire is easily achieved.

How do we attain wholeness and purity?

Healing childhood hurts and forgiving losses are necessary first steps. A spiritual understanding and daily practice provides a tangible foundation. And transmuting negative perceptions and coping strategies to their positive equivalents activates the process of cultivating integrity.

Quite simply, we can’t trust until we trust ourselves… not God, not the Universe, life, nor others. If we don’t trust ourselves, it is because we have not yet chosen to be integrous, to be whole and pure. There are two primary reasons for this resistance. First, we do not adequately recognize and fulfill our most basic needs and desires (see “Needs and Desires”). Or secondly, we have learned to meet our needs in ways that are not self-honoring. Hence, we are out of integrity with ourselves. This undermines our security, our ability to love unconditionally, and experience peace and success – rendering freedom impossible.

Developing integrity is no easy feat! We are deeply conditioned with contrary approaches to living. When we were young, in order to protect ourselves and get our needs met, circumstances influenced us to adopt controlling and manipulative behaviors. These became ingrained habits that we took with us into adulthood. While these coping strategies served us in our infancy and youth – albeit with some suffering – they no longer serve us in adulthood. In fact, they now threaten our very stability and success.

Learning to replace self-limiting reactions with self-honoring responses requires a clear and strong commitment, as well as courage, persistency and know-how. Healing the wounds of childhood and forgiving our losses are essential, but they are not all that is needed. A spiritual perspective and daily practice is invaluable, but still not enough. We need to be whole and pure, and the path to these is paved by integrity.

To do so, we must take full responsibility for our lives, our choices, our mistakes and failures, knowing that we will make corrections – large and small – along the way. By intentionally developing integrity, we begin to develop trust in ourselves and our ability to stand true and strong, regardless of context or consequences. Indeed, developing integrity will naturally empower us to live the quality of life we want.

If this is what you desire, it is essential to understand that the ways in which you are out of integrity directly relate to your prime negative perception and coping strategy (see “Prime Negative Perceptions and Negative Coping Strategies”), which cause you to behave in ways that are inappropriate to the authentic needs of a situation.

For example, if your tendency is to feel abandoned, you can be certain that you abandon yourself by behaving without integrity. Similarly, if you are more prone to experience betrayal in life situations, your fundamental pattern will be the self-betrayal that renders integrity impossible. In the process, you expose yourself and others to circumstances that bring unwanted consequences. These can be costly – losing a relationship, being fired from your job, incurring financial loss and bankruptcy, undermining your health, and on and on.

In another example, let’s say your prime negative perception is not-good-enough, whereby procrastination is a well-ingrained feature of your coping strategy. Each time you procrastinate, you demonstrate that you do not complete your promises in the way you agree. Your behavior is contrary to your intention, and you therefore lack integrity. In addition, you create other problems and losses, not the least of which is losing self-respect and the respect and trust of people you value.

You may sense or know when you are out of integrity, but habitually react in disintegrous patterns, while not knowing how to stop. In the process, the results you create for yourself are very different from the results you want. This is crazy-making for you, for those you know, and for the world! In short, being integrous ˜whole and pure˜ is the most important step along the passage to freedom.

Developing Integrity 101

This simple activity will help you determine how you are currently out of integrity, and how to change them as needed. Enjoy! This can be life changing.

1. List the ways in which you feel you are out of integrity.
2. One at a time, rate each on a scale of 1-10, with 10 signifying those with the strongest negative consequences.
3. Next to each, explain the negative effect on you and others involved, if any.
4. Sort them in priority order, with 10s at the top.
5. Next to each, describe what you will do to correct or complete it.
6. Rate each for the ease and willingness you feel with regard to doing them, this time, with 10 signifying strong willingness.
7. Beginning with the 10s, follow through, one at a time.
8. As you complete one, next to it, write what you have gained from its completion and how you feel. Include what you will do to remain clear of it. And stay clear!

A lack of integrity interferes with your direct connection to wisdom. Whereas, when you trust yourself, you are connected with your innate wisdom, because there is no interference. Complete your list above, and never accumulate one again. Self-respect, peace of mind and respect of others will make it well worth your while.

1. How have your ideas, perceptions, or feelings about lacking integrity developed and changed from this activity? What will you do as a result?
2. Recall and describe the fears, resistances, or limiting patterns that you experienced while completing this activity. List them in priority order and explain what you are ready to do about them.
3. Reflect on the important points and what you have gained, and describe how you feel empowered.