The definition of the word “gossip”, in its origin, simply meant “news” and was not intended to be used as an “emotionally backed” act of retribution, or as a way to destroy people’s lives. So how is it that it has become such a negative distortion from its core intent?

While trying to understand the reasoning behind it, a dear friend of mine reminded me of the book of Zohar which tells us that gossip is worse than murder. “How can that be?” you might ask. The book goes on to explain that murder can be traced to past lives and is carried back and forth from lifetime to lifetime; “You killed me in my past life, now it is my turn”, but “the “bad tongue,” or the gossip, is the originator of an evil act. Starting with thought, passing to creation, and finally activating the negative inertia by acting out.

As a child, I remember my parents telling me “If you can’t say something nice about somebody then don’t say anything at all.” Yet, through the years, I’m embarrassed to say that with all my good intentions (not in these cases, of course), I have found myself participating in some pretty awful conversations, things that were out of context and, more importantly, none of my business. I now see that whether I initiated the conversation or whether I was just listening to others really didn’t matter. I was still a participant, abetting the crime, and there is nothing that can justify hurting others.

The question that repeatedly piggybacks my contemplation is, “what is it about me and human beings in general, that would celebrate another’s demise?” Is our ego soooo fragile that we need to see people that are worse off than ourselves in order to make us feel like an okay person? Is it that we can show off something that no one else knows… somehow giving us power? Or perhaps just to try and win someone over, the camaraderie of sorts, by sharing in this destructive knowledge. But no matter what the real truth behind the intent, it could be devastating to somebody, therefore it is wrong!

Einstein once said, “If something happens on one level – it happens infinitely on all levels”. His theory applies here too. At a recent presentation that I attended, the speaker was conveying a story about a baseball team he coached. When the team thought negatively about a player, he would fumble and play terribly. But, when the teammates thought positive thoughts about the very same player, he would play well and even excel, thus proving that our thoughts and actions are the blueprints of our lives and that whatever we put our energy into will multiply, be it positive or negative. The irony of it all is that in the end, whatever energy we exude, boomerangs right back to us ten-fold. Therefore, it is my belief that “you don’t get punished for your sins, but rather by them”.

Quite a few disciplines state that all emotions stem from one of two emotions – love or fear; i.e., that if you are responding from anything less than love and are feeling “dis-eased” then it is but a sign that you have inner work to do… or, in other words if one is gossiping then one is not doing enough work on one’s self. It is, therefore, a good idea to double-check our actions prior to executing them. Perhaps to take a minute or two to ask ourselves, “What is my intent here?” “Where is this thought coming from?” “Is this comment fear-based, or am I coming from a good place?” And, lastly, “How will this knowledge benefit or impact the person I am communicating this information to?”

There is a story about a Rabbi and how some false rumors were being spread about him. When one man found out that he was spreading lies about his Rabbi, he went to him and begged his forgiveness. “How can I make this up to you Rabbi?” the man asked.

The wise Rabbi thought for a moment and told the man that he had a two-fold answer for him. First he was to take a down pillow to the highest mountain and there he was to wring it and squeeze it and yell at the top of his lungs releasing all his anger as he released every last feather from the pillow. Then the man was to go back to the Rabbi for part two.

Smiling, the man went back to the Rabbi’s home and said, “Look! Here is the pillowcase and I did just as you said. I feel so much better now, what is part two?”

The Rabbi replied, “Now take the torn pillowcase you are holding and go back to the top of the mountain. When you get there, I want you to collect every last feather you released and put the pillow back together.”

Totally flabbergasted the man yelled, “But, that’s impossible! No one could do that!”

“That is what it is like trying to rebuild a person’s reputation,” the Rabbi answered.

It is said that the best three ways to teach our children are by, “example, example, and example.” Therefore, we need to consistently search our souls and ask ourselves, “Is what I am doing a good role model for them? Is this what I would want for the next generation, or for this world?

I have challenged myself and would like to extend the same challenge to whoever would like to join in. To explore our own hearts and make amends within our souls. To gauge what and when we speak of others by asking ourselves, “Is this something I would want to be repeated about me?” To focus on truth and to have it come from a compassionate heart. As we grow and become stronger as individuals, we can then unite as a community and as a nation, and eventually maybe even as a planet. Joining hands and marching together in strength and with dignity into a new age.