Fact: animal friends who share our lives mirror us – psychologically and physically.

OUR ANIMAL COMPANIONS ARE LIKE SPONGES, SOAKING UP OUR ISSUES and all that we attempt to cast off. Their very dependence and unconditional love leave them wide open to mopping up our mental mess. Sure, they may have contracted to do that for us, but that doesn’t mean we should neglect the very issues they present back to us.

Seeking the help of vets, behaviourists, healers, nutritionists and a plethora of other therapists may not feel like neglect – but as long as we keep focusing outside of ourselves and not doing our own internal work we leave our animal friends mopping up after us. Of course, this is not a suggestion to stop seeking professional help! Please do continue with all the outside help for your animal, but while salving the symptoms, let’s start healing the core of the problem.

Recently I have met many animals with emotional and physical problems courtesy of their people. And sometimes the physical conditions have been too advanced to reverse; indeed the animals haven’t wanted them reversing – they have been ready to go. Other times miracles have occurred when the human half of the relationship has been ready and willing to accept their part in the process and been willing to change. All times I have felt it important to tactfully present the truth, presenting an opportunity for development and growth. What loves these animals show, prepared to take on and express some of our stress in order to alleviate our own suffering.

There have been times when I have been a little afraid of upsetting people, of scaring and shocking them with the truth when they ask me to connect with their animal friends. I have thought some people were just not ready to hear how they must accept some responsibility for their animal friend’s condition. How dare I! Withholding any information can deny people and animals the opportunity to make changes. It would seem my very holding back has drawn to me the most startlingly obvious cases of mirroring recently in order that I learn my lesson.

“Your dog attacks other people as a result of your anger.”

“Your cat has skin allergies because of your nervousness.”

“Your horse doesn’t like being handled because you are so controlling.”

It may be scary to be on the receiving end of any of the above statements, but it is also liberating. We are all here to do our soul’s work, to grow, to evolve, and learn, and clear, honest feedback can only be helpful in that process. Imagine having a magic booth, a place you could enter and be shown your imbalances, your issues, and the bits that need healing; a place where you could sit in front of a mirror and see all that stuff reflected back at you! People would either pay top rates to have a go or avoid it like the plague. Well, guess what – if you share your life with an animal, then you don’t need that booth; you already have your magic mirror.

Of course, seeing the reflection is one thing, unravelling its meaning and understanding it is quite another – but it is possible, and I want to help you find a way to do that for yourself.

As an addendum to all the above, I must say that some animals come into our lives having already played sponge to others people’s issues (as in the case of rescued animals) and others bring with them karmic stuff that may manifest in myriad ways. But – they are never there by accident, and even though conditions may be rooted elsewhere, they still carry a message for us if we care to listen.

A mirror is a mirror, whether you choose to look at it or not. You can stand sideways on or even with your back to a mirror and it is still being a mirror; your reflection is still there, but you haven’t a clue how it looks unless you turn and face it. Obvious – isn’t it? Well, we can be like that with our animal friends; they are mirroring us whether we choose to notice it or not. The mirror is there, but it is up to us to look.

An Exercise in Observation

For this exercise I want you to take a good close look at your animal friend – if you share your life with more than one animal then you can do it with each one, but I suggest you start with the one you feel instinctively drawn to first. This is an exercise in truthful observation. We are going to start looking at the mirror before we start looking at ourselves.

Get yourself a sheet of paper and a pen and divide the sheet into two columns by drawing a line down the middle. Now put a heading at the top of each column. On one side put

The things I really like about …(enter your animal’s name here)… are:

The things I dislike about …(enter your animal’s name here)…are:

Now put as many things in each column as you can think of. Be completely honest and as judgmental as you like – no one else needs to read your list. I want you to write down things that you maybe would not readily share with anyone else. The ‘like’ bits are often easy, but typically people find it a little tougher to admit to ‘dislikes’. I did this exercise with a friend the other day and she struggled to admit how she actually disliked her doggie friend’s nervousness and insecurity – immediately wanting to explain it away and be compassionate and understanding. She still loves her doggie; she was simply being honest, and her admission led to a beautiful healing opportunity. So go on, let it rip.

If you struggle to find many likes and dislikes to list and have more than one animal friend in your life, then switch partway down your list to another animal friend. Ideally, list a minimum of four in each column – but it’s also okay if you need to use two sides of a large sheet of paper to complete your list. It’s your call.

Example list:

Spend as long as you need, but please complete this exercise. Sometimes people get stuck for a while, and then suddenly the words flow. If you are really stuck then start with simple things like ‘I just love her’, ‘I love being with him, ‘I love the colour of her coat’, ‘She annoys me when she pulls on her lead’, ‘He irritates me the way he gets under my feet’, ‘She is too fat’. Then ask yourself to go a little deeper with each statement, for instance:

‘I just love her’

Ask yourself, what is it about her that you love? Describe it.

‘I love being with him’

Ask yourself, what is it about being with him that you love? Describe it.

‘I love the colour of her coat’

Ask yourself, what is it about the colour you love? Describe it.

‘She annoys me when she pulls on her lead’

Ask yourself, what is it about pulling on the lead that annoys you? Describe it.

‘He irritates me the way he gets under my feet’

Ask yourself, what is it about getting under your feet that annoys you? Describe it.

‘She is too fat’

Ask yourself, what is it about her being ‘too fat’ that you dislike? Describe it.

I now would like you to go back to your lists and to make one simple change.

Where you wrote your animal friend’s name, I now want you to scratch it out and write in your own:

So instead of: The things I like about Fido are…

It now reads:

Fact: You can only see in others what is within you.

How could you recognise joy, playfulness and compassion if you didn’t have those qualities yourself? And the same applies for the ‘so-called’ negative traits. You must have something of all those things within you – to a lesser or greater degree – in order to see them in your animal friend. You have just described you as reflected in one of the most caring, compassionate, unconditionally loving mirrors in your life. And some of what you have seen you may not like! But if you don’t see it – how can you do something about it?

Some of you may have put some very animal things in your columns. For instance, in dislikes I have read ‘I hate the way he licks his bum so much’ and ‘I don’t like him getting sexy with visitors’ legs’. If you have written such things then I am not suggesting that you> do just that (but if you do, that’s your business!). Rather, I am suggesting that you look at what it is about that behaviour that irritates you. What does that behaviour evoke in you? Go deeper and find out what it really means for you. If you are irritated by something then own that irritation and take responsibility for it – it is your stuff! And, of course, if he is licking his bum because he is wormy – then de-worm him.

Next month we will look more closely at the physical mirroring that takes place with our animals.